No Shoes

There you lay; I know you haven’t known me for long. In fact you’ve never even spoken to me. I’ve never seen the color of your eyes. I’ve never heard the sound of your voice, but I hear your breathing, I see your chest rise and the long pauses between your breaths.

I look around the room and see snapshots of the life you’ve lived. There you stand with the love of your life, arms around each other; an unlikely couple you two were. A brave adventure you set out on, two different nationalities, two different backgrounds. I hear that you were broken, abused, and ensnared by addiction before him. I see the pictures, there all so beautiful and filled with history, but you especially are beautiful. I wish I could have worked beside you in your garden, heard your voice and the wisdom you have.

I know you don’t really know me, but you’ve touched my life. Your story, the glimpse I’ve seen, I won’t forget. You’ve given me a gift today, a reminder that life is hard and situations can be exceedingly painful. However, despite all odds you keep walking, even if you have no shoes on your feet, and a thousand miles stretch out before you. You searched for a better tomorrow, a better day then yesterday; so you walked those miles with no shoes, and you found it through determination and a never ending love.

There you lay; the sun light is streaming in and dancing through your white wispy hair. Your family says you’ve always believed in letting life happen, so here you lay, peacefully allowing death to come in and complete the cycle of life.

Grandma Elsie

You lived a life of love and calmness- reflecting God’s love to everyone around you. Did I ever tell you how beautiful I thought you were? Did I tell you how I loved your hugs? I loved your smile and your laughter! Did I tell you how much I looked up to you?

Grandma your life is such an example to me- faithful and full of love. You weren’t captive to regret and malice. You lived a life of blessings; your life wasn’t in vain Grandma. So many people search and question if there living a life of meaning, but you really lived a life full of meaning. A simple life of loving and taking care of your family, a simple life but one that is radical in the society we are caught up in today.

So here I am driving further away from where you’re resting. But Grandma I’m caring you with me- you will live on in my heart and the memories I have of you. I will try to carry the legacy of your life in my actions and love. I love you so very much- death can’t take that away from me…

Moments

My first chosen profession was inspired by my dreaded piano books; I loved the pictures inside of them and decided I would become an artist! Honestly, I’ve discovered that drawing and painting is not my cup of tea, in fact my attempts have left much to be desired.

So I grew a bit, and then my next dream was of being a singer and performing for thousands, and touching their lives through songs. I pursued this till I realized I hated singing in front of people especially crowds, my biggest audience was my country church. I tried my hand at poetry and writing, this wasn’t quite as big of a flop as my other ideas; however, not quite the passion and love I was hoping for.

My latest and longest running passion is art through photography. I so love this form of expression. I’m finding that it touches my emotions and captures moments that nothing else does quite the same for me. So here’s some of my photography…

My Plans

For as long as I can remember, I've had a plan.

A plan of some sort, not always the best plan but nevertheless a plan. In grade school, I had lofty plans of who I would grow up to be! I planned on going to a boarding school, being on the gymnastic team, dating my grade school crush, and having amazing friends and experiences along the way.

Once I was there, living that plan, I began feeling the pressure of thinking once again about my future. I decided, I wanted to become a counselor, and work with people who were experiencing the painful grips of obsessive compulsive disorders. My plan was to pursue a degree in Social Work, marry my grade school love, and continue on cultivating my circle of friends and family.

The realization that plans change, people change, and hearts can be broken were a reality the first couple years of college. So my plans changed. I began discovering a deep passion for working with older adults. I learned that true friends don't drift away, I realized that plans and relationships not held in the palm of Christ's hands have the tendency to be devastating. I learned, and my plans twisted and bent in directions I would never have dreamed possible.

There I stood with a diploma in my hand, and another plan swiftly unfolding. Graduate school was the next plan, the University of Denver for my MSW with an emphasis in gerontology.  I planned on completing the advance standing program, and completing an internship at HospiceCare of Boulder and Broomfield Counties. I hoped and prayed my long-distance relationship with my love would last, and that somehow I could stay connected with my circle of friends. That was my plan...

By the grace of God, I finished my MSW program; left Colorado with a heart full of wonderful and difficult memories, the love of my family, friends, and significant other still intact.

My plan was to move back to my home state, get a job, get married, and live happily ever after.  That was my plan, my idea, my focus.  What about my God's plan, His idea for my life?

Have I lost my focus along this path?  Have I forgotten to include my God...not only include my God, but have Him lead my every step?

For I know the plans I have you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future... Jeremiah 29:11